How to make a child grow up not only well-mannered , kind and intelligent. But also self-confident? Many people believe that it is enough to simply support them in everything: praise, encourage, help them avoid difficulties. But this does not work. Confidence is not something that can be given with words. Confident child: 2 strategies that will change everything is something that is formed through experience.
Each of us has seen children who are afraid to express their opinions, who give up at the first difficulties, who constantly wait for approval from outside. This is not an accident, but the result of upbringing. How to avoid this and raise a child so that he is not afraid to act, make mistakes and take responsibility for his life? Here are two key strategies.
Confident Child: Strategy #1 – Allow Your Child to Make Mistakes and Not Be Afraid of Them
Why the fear of mistakes destroys confidence
Think back to the last time you felt insecure. Maybe at work, when you doubted your decision? Or when you were afraid to speak up in a meeting? Children feel this even more acutely. If they have been taught that making mistakes is shameful, they prefer not to take risks at all.
Many parents don’t even notice how they themselves form this fear. For example, when a child tries to do something and is told:
- “Come on, I’ll do it myself, because you’ll mess everything up again”
- “Why are you so clumsy?”
- “I told you so! You see, you should have obeyed.”
What is going on in the child’s mind at this moment? He thinks: “I’d better not try anything, because if I do it wrong I’ll be judged .” And that’s it – the desire to take the initiative disappears.
What to do about this?
✅ Show that mistakes are okay
If something doesn’t work out for you, don’t hide it. On the contrary, say it out loud:
- “Oh, I think I did something wrong. Never mind, I’ll fix it now!”
- “I didn’t know how to do this either, but then I learned”
When a child sees that even adults are not perfect, he stops being afraid of his own mistakes.
✅ Allow them to correct their mistakes
. Let’s say your child spills juice. You can immediately start scolding them, or you can say:
- “Don’t worry, let’s clean it up together”
This teaches that any problem can be solved, and not turned into a tragedy.
✅ Don’t get ahead of the game.
If your child is trying to do something, don’t rush to help. Give them time! Even if the process seems long and awkward.
📌 Example: A child is trying to tie his shoelaces. If you immediately say, “Let me do it quickly,” he will not learn to do it on his own. It is better to wait calmly and encourage: “You are doing better!”
As a result, the child is no longer afraid to try new things. He knows that if something goes wrong, it’s not the end of the world. But just part of the journey.
Confident Child: Strategy #2 – Praise Intelligently, Not Thoughtlessly
Why excessive praise is harmful
Many parents believe that the more they praise their child, the more confident they will be. But if you praise them for everything , it stops working.
🔹 If a child draws a doodle and is told, “This is a masterpiece!”, he understands that this is not entirely true.
🔹 If he jumps rope twice and is told, “You are a champion!”, this sounds exaggerated.
📌 What happens next?
If they are praised just like that, without any real reason, the child gets used to constant approval. But then, in adulthood, when they are not praised at every step, they feel confused. It is difficult for them to understand how well they are doing something, and they become insecure about their abilities .
How to praise correctly?
✅ Praise the effort, not the result.
Instead of “You’re so smart!”, it’s better to say:
🔹 “I like how patiently you solved this problem”
🔹 “I saw you trying, and that’s really cool!”
This way, the child understands that it is important not just to be talented. But to work on yourself.
✅ Be specific
Instead of “Well done!” it’s better to say:
🔹 “You colored this picture so neatly, the colors go together really well”
🔹 “I see that you are taking this responsibly”
✅ Ask the child’s own opinion.
Instead of the automatic “Class!” you can ask:
🔹 “How do you evaluate your own work?”
🔹 “What do you like about this drawing?”
This helps the child develop their own self-esteem , rather than waiting for external approval.
Self-confidence is not something that can be simply “breathed” into a child with words of encouragement. It is the result of experience.
- If a child knows that mistakes are not scary , he or she is not afraid to try new things.
- If she receives honest, specific praise , she understands that her efforts matter.
- If she is not protected from difficulties, she learns to cope with them on her own.
And then she grows up not to be someone who expects approval from others. But to be someone who knows her worth. And that is true confidence.
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